aloha new jersey!

After I stood in a warrant line for three hours in Atlanta, and before I left for my trip to NYC/NJ, I posted something about how no one would greet me at LaGuardia with alohas and leis. Well, I was wrong. Ryan had to be a smart ass and showed up with this:

And Melissa stocked her fridge with sweet tea. And, everyone was really nice, even perfect strangers. Fine. Yet another life lesson in why you shouldn’t stereotype people! I get it. It turns out me and my Virginian friends are the biggest jerks in New Jersey.

It all started with Ryan’s aloha sign, which somehow turned the tables of the universe transforming us into loudmouth smart asses. Ryan and I constantly pretended we were old Jewish ladies arguing over the best public transit routes to take.

You just take the six. What’s the big deal?

That led to a delirious improv session in a Brooklyn coffee shop after only getting a few hours sleep, where I preformed my impression of my real-life old Jewish lady from NY hairdresser friend who likes to recommend homemade skincare remedies for clients. It goes something like this…

You need to exfoliate? Simple. Don’t buy that expensive shit. Just take a little Ajax. Rub it in toothpaste and smear it on. Same ph balance. I swear. Try it.

And then, this happened…

And Melissa and I started in on a “A Rabbi and a Priest walk into a diner…” routine in the diner with New Jersey accents because we are assholes.

But not really. It all comes from the heart, and we make fun of our Southern roots a-plenty. I love bbq and grits almost as much as my beloved New Jersey friends. Some of my favorite people on the planet live in Northern New Jersey, including daddy blogger, D.Lee from Lobster Tears. We were able to meet up at the Trans Am show, an amazing band from D.C., who sound like the best video game you’ve ever played meets the best rock riffs you’ve ever heard. Love them.

Other than the comic relief and delirium, there were my adventures in the East Village, where we saw the Pussy Faggot variety show featuring “bitter, party of one” drag queen, Needles Jones. You can guess how Needles got her name. She had a broken collar bone, but still went out there and wowed us with her punk rock anthem rap. “NO, NO, HOMO” was a good one.
Photo by Kristy Leibowitz.

Then there was Heather from Big Art Group. Heather has an afro and an ass that won’t quit. She sang and danced in zebra-striped tights and a thong. A real crowd-pleaser.

Yeah, so pretty packed weekend. And, there’s more to come. I’m editing a video right now that’s sure to blow your minds. I think it’s even better than Drunken Deceptacons. Stay tuned!