Good old fashioned bathroom humor

Parenthood and poop go together like parenthood and momentary insanity; both are unpleasant but totally routine occurrences, at least in my household. For parents, our kids’ bowel movements are a hot topic from the day they are born. Poop is a big deal to parents. We lose sleep if our kids are constipated. I guarantee your co-worker who just got back from maternity leave is obsessing over whether or not her baby pooped today. We get pissed on and shit on more times than we can count. The first time we laugh. By the 100th time, we do our best to wipe the shit off and hope the people in Chic-fil-a think it’s honey mustard.

In my house, we have daily conversations about the so-called potty. Because it doesn’t end once they’re potty-trained. After potty training, there’s fart jokes, privacy issues, toilet flushing reminders, and a specific conversation with my children about why a lemondade stand in the bathroom is a bad idea (see photo above). So, when the following conversation took place last night, it was not met with anger or surprise, but rather good ol’ fashioned bathroom humor.

Me: “Holden, I see you went poop. Did you wipe your butt good?”

Holden: “Yes.”

Me: “All by yourself? Great job, buddy,” I say and give him a hi-five.

Devon: “With his shirt.”

Me: “You wiped your butt with your shirt?”

Holden: “Yeah.”

Devon: “I did, too.”

Me: “You both used Holden’s shirt to wipe your butts?”

Holden: “Yeah.”

Devon: “There was no toilet paper.”

Me: “Well, where is this shirt?”

Devon: “I don’t know. I just threw it somewhere.”

Me (laughing): “Great. Next time tell mommy when you’re out of toilet paper, ok? Now, I have to find this poopy shirt in the pile of clothes in your room.”